The Rules For Plumbers

The ‘Rules” For Plumbers

1.Never, never, NEVER return a customer’s phone calls, until you’re sure their will is nearly broken and their spirit beaten down. So what if it’s just a blocked toilet or broken pipe, they need you a whole lot more than you need them, you’re the one that has special thing that few have called a professional license, so let ‘em beg, it helps them grow as individuals. And, in the end, they’ll be that much more thankful and grateful that you finally did give in and fix their leaky tap or unblock their toilet.

2.If they accuse you of playing hard-to-get, respond with a “well, if you really feel that way…I’m not playing hard-to-get, I am hard-to-get, why do you think I have a cell phone and pager and R.T and on and on, I do have so many other customers to choose from besides just you, you’ll just have to wait your turn, Sweety”.

3.Make sure you wipe your hands onto the nearest tea towel after you have just unblocked the kitchen sink or the wastemaster.

4.Customers think spitting chewing tobacco expectorants on their prized rose bushes is so cute, and it helps kill any slugs eating on the stems, too!

5.Don’t show signs of any obvious intelligence. You know customers just don’t like to be emotionally threatened by someone who speaks in complete sentences, or who knows any words over two syllables. If they had wanted a rocket scientist to clean out their septic tank, they’d have hired one, not called you. Dyeing your hair blonde and answering all questions posed to you with a “‘way, Dude!” is acceptable.

6.A clean service van is the sign of a dirty and perverted mind. Make sure you keep enough floormat garbage handy so that at least some spills out every time you open the side or rear door. Having three or four empty Lion Red cans hit the customer’s concrete driveway with pleasantly tinkling sounds shows your good taste both in New Age music and in fine alcoholic spirits. Your customer will also be most appreciative that you subtly reminded them to check the tread depth for their tires when they pick up a roofing nail in one you so thoughtfully dropped while searching for your lost crox tool inside your van’s built-in toolbox.

7.Always leave a nice, smelly mess for your customers to clean up after you’ve left. Really now, do you think you work for your customers, or your customers work for you?

8.When checking a toilet for proper flushing action after you’ve fixed it, make sure you take a seat and try it out yourself.

9.Make sure that your handwriting on the invoice that you leave them is undecipherable.

10.When a customer offers you a cold drink to quench your thirst after sweating a few litres of sweat while underneath their house, put the glass down somewhere where you can’t find it, apologise to the owner, and the owner finds it one month later with fungus etc growing in it.